Advaith Gunna.

I didn’t learn the way you’re supposed to. Not from a syllabus, not in the order someone else chose. I learn the way I was made — by finding a thing I don’t understand and refusing to leave it alone. I read until I’m confused. I build until it breaks. I scratch my head for days. Then one morning it’s obvious, and I can’t remember why it wasn’t.

Most of what I’ve built started as something I was told was impossible. Some of it was. I kept the wrong turns in the record next to the right ones, because the wrong ones are where the learning happened. I’m not afraid of failing. I’ve done it more than I’ve done anything else. What I’m afraid of is being mediocre while I learn — going through the motions of a thing instead of into it. So I go into it. All the way, every time, even when it would be wiser not to.

I don't expect to be remembered. Not out of sadness — out of arithmetic. Almost no one is, and the ones who are get a holiday, not a memory. So the point can't be that. The point is the doing. I want to do the things I love until the end, and I want the record of what happened to be honest whether or not my name is on it.

Organisation is not the enemy. It's how anything gets finished, and I do finish things. But this page exists to hold the state before finishing. I'd rather keep a few regions of myself unorganised for the rest of my life than become a single well-behaved machine.